Fritter, anyone?

As a JET there are certain obligations that our schools must release us for, such as meetings, seminars, and stonings. This is generally a very sweet deal as it means we get a paid day or two away from the brats to socialise and generally pretend to be 'busy'. A few months ago we had our first meeting about lessons and strategies; it was all rather exciting as none of us had really started teaching classes yet and we were itching to go. We also all had quite a bit of money, so an after-party was guaranteed.

A month or so later we had another day long affair which our JTEs (Japanese Teachers of English) came along to. This was even more fun because all we really had to do was share our exciting and fresh experiences, look good in front of our JTEs, and have a blinding laugh at the guest speaker - the editor of the Japan Times - for whom nothing went right: his laptop broke, losing both his notes and his slides; then the projector that was projecting his broken laptop broke; and then the magnetic board he had resorted to fell off the stage. Halfway through his 'show' he stopped and looked at us and with a look of dejection said "you know, this isn't how I saw this going..."

We had our Mid Year Seminar this week - two glorious days of skive. Or so we thought. It was not the workshops that ruined it for us, they were moslty ace, but the end-of-day guest speakers. Yuzo Kimura is some sort of professor who taught high school English for a million years or so before becoming an expert in linguistics. His enthralling lecture was called "Comparative Practices of English Teaching in Neighbouring Asian Countries", or something to that mind-numbing effect. After an hour and a half of slides, videos, and endless statistics (we did not understand the relevance, or indeed point of any of the statistics. However each one evoked a gasp of amazement from the japanese third of the audience, making us feel all the more numb) a JET asked the question everybody wanted to hear: "What can I, as an ALT, take away from this lecture - what are the practical applications I can make?" The lecture had, after all, highlighted the stark and depressing disparities between successful high-tech teaching methods in China and the awful, unproductive, chalk and blackboard methods of obviously backward Japan. The reply: "Um, I can't answer that question."

Oh. Oh, well that's ok then.

Nothing. No applications. One might say, no relevance at all to your position as an ALT. Other than, of course, apply to teach in China next time. Thanks for coming to my lecture though, really.

The second day's guest speaker was a lady who, at the age of 45, tired of being an interpreter and instead went to uni for a few years and emerged as a professor and radio personailty. As you do. Needless to say her speech was far more interesting and entertaining, mainly by dint of her being able to speak pretty passable American English. But still - an hour and a half long. Why? Why must they do this?

It was Special School Thursday today, the delights of which you know all too well by now. Today however I have been transformed, from Geoff-sensei to Geoff-tarou (pronounced ta-roh). This is my new name, decreed by the elementary students. According to the teacher tarou means 'ordinary Japanese boy'. I'm assuming this is a compliment as I doubt the kids have the vindictiveness to actually patronise me, no matter how many times I am forced to put them through "If You're Happy and You've Got Them Clap Your Hands."