We Were Aiming at the Moon, We Were Shooting at the Stars (But the Kids Were Just Shooting at the Busses and the Cars)

I went to a Socialist Party meeting last week. My sister had been roped in by her leftist student friends from the valleys, so I went along with her, just for fun.

This is how the night went: we were running half an hour late driving into town to meet our soon to be brothers and sisters when Kirsty’s ‘phone rang.

“Hello?”
“Is that Kirsty?”
“Well now that depends, who is this?”
“It’s the socialist party”
“What, the entire socialist party?”
“….”
“Hello?”
“Kirsty, are you coming to this meeting?”
“Oh yeah, definitely, sorry I'm running late, I had to wait for the gasman and…well, anyway, we’ll be there soon. You’ll see me: I’m wearing a cord cap”
“Well, I can’t wait for you Kirsty; I have to go back up now. Kirsty.”

So we roll up to the rather swanky looking pub and order a large gin and tonic and an orange juice.

“That’ll be eight pounds fifty please”
“Eight pounds? Jeez. Are there any socialists here?”
“Socialists? Uh, no.”
“Ah, this isn’t Bar Incognito?”
“No”
“Hmm”

Ten minutes later, different pub, another large gin and tonic.

“Excushe me, got any shocialists? Hic”
“Upstairs”

And up we go

Chair: “…anybody second the motion? Thank you comrade, motion seconded. Oh, hello, take a seat. Okay, now we move on to the issue of the renewal of Trident and our nuclear deterrent and whether Britain needs these barbaric and oppressive weapons. Brian, you have something to say about this?”

Brian: “Well yes Reg I er, er…”

Chair/Reg: “Sorry, excuse me. Over there, you have something to add to the discussion?”

Me: “What? No, no, sorry about the noise, I, um, seem to have broken my chair, I’ll just move and um-”

Brian: “So, as I was saying I, er, these, er, disgusting weapons have got to go! If we, er, er, if we gave up our nukes others would join us and, er, er, we could prevent the, er, further proliferation of, er, er, weapons of mass destruction.”

Loretta: “Yes comrade! You see it all came from the United States who in history have been the only country to use nuclear weapons when they dropped the bomb on Japan, not once but twice!”

Brian: “Yes that’s right! The only reason we keep these nuclear weapons, er, er, is to keep American companies like er, er, Halliburton in business, exploiting the er, er, masses and er. Because of Bush and, er, the, er, oppression of American imperialism, countries all round the world are getting nuclear weapons, er, er, capitalism, er, er, overbearing American, er, er, dictator Bush and er, imperialstic, er,er,er if we gave up these monstrous er, er, er…”

Reg: “You have a comment? Yes? What’s your name please?”

Me: Hi, my name’s Geoff, sorry about coming in late, wrong pub, and sorry about the chair too, I don't know how that, er, anyway. Numerous countries now have the bomb, a few of them unfriendly, and as the gentleman behind me pointed out more countries are trying to develop the bomb, some of whom will actually succeed. Even terrorist organisations are looking to acquire a nuclear capability, possibly through sponsorship by one of these countries. Now, with various threats around the world, including a resurgent Russia; a confident and more powerful China; Japan looking to write the pacifist clauses out of it’s constitution in response to an increasingly belligerent and nuclear North Korea; and also the antagonistic nuclear powers of Pakistan and India, surely we should maintain, or even increase the level of our nuclear deterrence. In fact, there’s a theory that says the key to stability, and actually the best way to prevent nuclear war, is for everybody to have nuclear weapons. More nuclear proliferation, not less.

Reg: “Um...........................Okay, so for anyone wanting to go on the anti-nuclear coalition march in London next week, please see Brian who is organising the coaches, Brian?”

Brian: “Uh, this is the first I’ve, er, er, first I've heard of any coaches Reg…”