Picked Last In Gym

My school had a sports day yesterday. My supervisor had told me that I was not expected to take part and so I turned up in trousers and a rugby shirt. Of course that morning I was almost instantly asked to play football and softball (baseball but with a larger ball), the softball being Teachers vs Student Champions. So, a quick trip back to Sunshine to get appropriately togged up (and a cup of coffee, and a ten minute sit down, and a bit of a read, and a sandwich) and back I came. Needless to say I was awful. During the football I was variously ran rings around by not only the opposing players but also by my own. I tried one seering run up the middle, dodging at least twenty players (again, many of them my own) to heroically slice the ball away from the goal.

Softball was not such an embarrassment thankfully. The whole thing reminded me rather of that scene in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life where the Masters play the Boys at a rugby match and take great glee in grinding, stamping, and generally beating up all the schoolboys. Of course there was no actual beating in the softball game but when the PE teacher slugged the first of many homeruns the scenes of jubilation were very Pythonesque. A la:

Komrade!

If I were a Japanese school kid I'd have snapped a long time ago. I surely wouldn't be the straight, successfull, and good-looking chap I am today.

I was walking into the main station this morning to get my train to school and there were teachers strategically located around the concourse pulling kids to the side now and then to straighten ties and button jackets. Several girls were being told to pull down the hems of their skirts (which they pull up to cheek level). Seriously, it's 8.02am, surely this is THEIR time.

I got off the train in Kureha and there are my teachers doing the same thing. I asked my boss what the hell was going on. Apparently it's a decree from the education board that states there should be 'Greeeting Days' every now and then to "improve students manner" outside of school. I'm reading a book at the moment about the battle of Stalingrad and I can help but think of comparisons with the NKVD (Soviet military police).

I feel great this morning - three cups of coffee will do that to you. I also feel a little twitchy, but as long as the kids don't notice it's all good. Of course I'll probably crash at around 10am and get the stares, wondering what it's all about and why I'm here.

I can't dance, I can't talk......

It seems that I might have to resort to violence. It generally goes against my nature but I think in this case couple of backhanders might do some good.

"Ah, Geoff-san" (you knew it had to do with school of course didn't you) "maybe you have homework to give out this lesson?"
"Um, well, no. The deadline for handing in last week's homework is Wednesday, so I'll give out the new homework then"
"Neh. But there is nooo class Wednesday neh. You have homework today?"
"No. Why is there no class wednesday?"
"Neh. Is sports day. Yes. Neh"
"Oh, well I didn't know that."
"I did know that. Maybe I should tell you."
"Yes. Maybe."

Sometimes I think she does it just so she can catch me out as the lazy foreigner that I am.

My supervisor is an English teacher whom I teach with. For some reason she speaks English in a sing song voice, though she speaks Japanese quite normally. My Head of Department speaks English like the policeman in 'Allo 'Allo. She also has a habit of doing the Genesis walk during lessons.

Let's Enjoying Messing with Poetry

If
By Geoff Davies (with apologies to Kipling… )

If you can keep your head when all JTEs about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when Engrish fails you,
But make allowance for genkiness too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being talked about, like you’re not there,
Or, being stared at, don't give way to staring,
And yet don't look too good, or feel to fair;

If you can bear to hear the English they've spoken
Twisted by JTEs who keep kvetching,
Or watch the things taught them be broken,
And build 'em up with games and sketches

If you can talk with kids and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kouchous - nor lose the common touch;
If neither JTEs nor oba-chans can hurt you;
If all Japanese food is in you, and it’s getting too much;
If you can down your pint of nama biiru
With sixty seconds of nomihodi left to run-
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a JET my son!

So, Kenneth Clarke. Out of the race for Tory leader again. Sorry ken, but they just don't want you. Even without the hat. Silly buggers.

Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

Hell isn't the absence of God, it's the absence of decent coffee.

Thankfully the Foreign Buyers Club offers redemption at very reasonable prices.

Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

Seriously though, what the hell is going on? This is a common thing among the younger women in Japan. To see them walking in high-heels is a sight to see (or, rather not).

Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

"I was in the office

until eight

and

in the bare

until midnight"

Quite.

Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

Needless to say I taught this cheecky scamp a lesson.....

Toyama Golden Bowl

Toyama Golden Bowl
Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

Beer, NYC

Beer, NYC
Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

Geoff After Beer, NYC

Geoff After Beer, NYC
Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

U.S., somewhere

U.S., somewhere
Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

I told you, it doesn't ever stop

I told you, it doesn't ever stop
Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

Camping in Toga

camping
Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

Gumby Kanazawa

Gumby Kanazawa
Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

Does it ever stop? No.

Kanazawa, to see yooooou - nice.

To see you - nice!
Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

Hours after this photo was taken all the people in it lost their hair....

I dont know any of these people.....
Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

Kureh School Festival

Kids - cant beat em....
Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

These girls are scary no?

Beer - brain food.....

Important pose
Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

Halloween 2004

halloween 2004
Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

"What we were after now was the old surprise-visit. That was a real kick and good for smecks and lashings of the ultra-violence"

Halloween 2004

93170013
Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

Log Cabin retreat, Northern Pennsylvania, 2005

Geoff doing what he does best - sticking his hands in a fire
Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

Geoff doing what he does best - messing around with fire....

Down with that sort of thing, DC 2005

Down with that sort of thing
Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

Grand Slam 2005, DC

Grand Slam 2005, DC
Originally uploaded by pedroalhambra.

Fado's irish Pub, Washington DC. Lots of drunk Wekshmen in this bar.

Do you Kyoto?

Most countries in the world pride themselves on their quisine:
In France and Italy food is a quasi-religion.
British food is pretty decent also, even if our national dish is chicken tikka masala.
The Americans are quite proud of their meatloafs (meatloaves?), their pumpkin pies and so on. And everybody loves chinese food.
But in Japan - I think they must hate themselves. I know JETs who rave about Japanese food like they're lives had been meaningless untill now, but I find it quite , well, nasty. Fish is everywhere, even in ice cream. Mush is also everywhere, preferably soaked in some sort of fish broth. I live for indian restaurants and the foreign food shop. Sorry, but I do.

What Would Holden Do?

It just occurred to me that maybe these kids aren't all geniuses, I think it's just that they're driven (by whom? By what? I certainly wasn't driven by anything when I was teenager other than the desire to stay in bed till noon. That and playing with myself). There have been a few student holidays recently but a lot of the kids come to school anyway, either to study or to practice. I run an after-school English club - that is, I sit there and try to be interesting for 45 minutes while the two girls that bother to show up giggle continuously - and I managed to drag out of one girl that she studies and does homework until 10pm most nights, and so do most other students. 10pm?! Crikey, these kids don't leave school til 6pm as it is, and then they go home and do more work til bedtime? No wonder the third grade homework (who I don't teach) this week was "Violent crimes by teenagers is on the rise in Japan. Please write 500 words on why you think this is."

School run

Walking through my school in the morning to get to the front entrance is a constant wake up. Before I even get to the back gates I can hear the students practicisng their various intruments. Walk past the first gym to see two or three practicing the violin. Past a set of classrooms filled variously with brass, woodwind, and piano. Then on past the big hall where the choir is belting out a modern number. A little further on is the school pond, a very Japanese affair with many levels, bonsai trees and Koi. There are normally one or two students adamantly facing the water reciting poetry or a part of a play. This morning one boy was sat on a rock with his head in his hands.

Then on an around the corner to the main entrance. If I time it right I can get there just as the music starts playing for the company across the road to come out for their communal excercising.

Disestablishmentarianism? Why, yes....

Yesterday was the 'Establishment Ceremony'. I know this because alot of men were wearing suits and ties, which is never a good sign. I noticed this because I wasn't. "Sensei, why is everyone wearing a suit or tie?" "Ah geoff-san" she replied "today is establishment ceremony. Must be dressed properly. Very important day. Lessons this afternoon are cancelled. It is in twenty minutes. Where is geoff-san tie?"

This has happened to everone I know. The teacher will tell you about these extremely important events minutes before they are due to happen and then be aghast that you are not prepared. I ended up sitting through three hours of concerts and speeches wearing a borrowed garish beige and white check tie that utterly failed to speak to either my dark blue shirt or my black shoes.

It happened again this afternoon. Next week the students are having their mid term exams. It's been on the calendar since last year, indeed you might say it was annual.
This morning: "Geoff-san. For your exam paper could you base it on lessons 8-11?"
Me: "What? Er, so, do you want me to write an exam paper. For next week?"
"Yes."
"Oh. OK. Some notice would have been nice."

I seem to have been asked to my welcome party. October 12th apparantly. "You come, drinking party. Welcome you. October 12. Thank you" I had been wondering if I was going to go to an enkai and at last I have ('snotfair, everybody else has had one!). More about that later.