Mein Gott!

Back when I was a high school student and, I realise now, a little shit, I used to mercilessly torture my German teacher Mr Owen. I thought that this chap was the strangest, dorkiest, man ever. He had huge rubbery lips, a near lisp and he taught this bizarrely nonsensical language. To be honest I doubted his competence. What on earth, I thought to my thirteen year old self, is he doing in this dump if he can speak German? Shouldn't he be in Germany? He obviously cant be very good at it. Which was a great reassurance to me.

One lesson he returned my exercise book to me with big red slashes through many of the pages. I can't remember what exactly he said, but I'm pretty sure it was along these lines:

"Geoffrey, what exactly are you doing? None of this makes any sense. Have you been paying any attention in class at all? This for example. Let's read what you've written here: sons noch etwas"
"But sir, what's wrong with that, sir?"
"Well Geoffrey, it means nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's like you just wrote 'table chair sky'. It is completely nonsensical"
"But sir, they are German words sir, I've seen them before. Sir."
"Sigh...Yes Geoffrey, but together they mean nothing."
"Oh."
"And Geoffrey? Please stop drawing swastikas all over your exercise book."

You see that was the year I was obsessed with swastikas. I wasn't a Nazi of course, I just liked swastikas. And drawing them on my German book. I also drew what I thought was a magnificent rendition of the Fuhrer, with demonic eyes, standing in front of a million mark note with the words "millionen stehe hinter mich" beneath (the only thing I picked up in history class that year, and indeed the only correct German I wrote that year). Months later in my German exam I sat dumbfoundedly staring at the massive space they had left for me to write my essay. Everyone around me was scribbling away. That was the year I realised that I should probably be doing some actual work in school.

I dredge up poor Mr Owen now because I've just spent the morning growing more and more angry and depressed. During class the students here nod, they scribble, they write on the blackboard, and all is roses. When it comes to marking their homework I get this:

I watched the MOVIE in my free time. The MOVIE is loved According to may see by you as long as it is at time all day long. The MOVIE goes to feelings to have the dream to see in the MOVIE theatre on the weekend because it makes it do. Especially it is the one of the MOVIE comedy system that sees by the hour now.

Mr Owen, Ich bin sorry.